Stupid stupid girl. I think I am getting attached, I didn't really realize it until last night. So saturday he kept texting me all day saying he wanted to come over but he had plans with friends so it would be a little late. No big deal, a little late is fine but this time he was a no show. Text me at ten and told me it would be an hour or so, then again at just before midnight and asked me to just leave my door unlocked because the friend he was with would not leave and he didn't drive. So I did and went to bed and at his request set my alarm for a little after three so I would be up. Honestly I thought it would be fun to have a middle of the night hook up for once. And he has never made me feel cheap before.
So needless to say he didn't show up. I hate to admit it but I am a little but crushed. He kept calling and texting all night assuring me he would be here, and nothing. I text him when my alarm went off and he apologized saying he felt like an idiot and he would make it up to me. Offered to take me out to dinner tonight, which is Mother's Day. Easy to offer something that you know I won't be able to take you up on. I know realistically I have no right to be mad. It just feels like after all this progress I have made into not feeling like I used to I am right back where I started from so quickly. Like I took one step forward and now three steps back.
Maybe it is time to reevaluate this situation and move on to something more healthy. I know I am not ready for a relationship but I know I don't want a repeat of last night. I hate that feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me that this treatment is what I deserve because I have been behaving so carelessly. See what I mean about the backward progress. So frustrating. I can sit here and think rationally that this is making no sense but I still feel that way. It is like there is a disconnect between my brain and spinal cord.
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